Getting the Book: This book is out of print, but copies of at least two editions (US and UK) are often found online, in various conditions and at various prices. Sometimes the prices are so low that shipping costs more than the book. This is humbling but funny – and useful. Also, this book is in lots of libraries.
- commentary
In the 1970’s, I was one of many women inventing and teaching Women’s Studies. In every class, no matter what the subject was, we inevitably talked about our relationships with our mothers, about the pain and confusion surrounding those relationships. When the students and I went looking for information and insight, we found very little, and very little of what we found was useful. Misogyny and mother-blaming were omnipresent, and Freud’s ignorance about women loomed large. This book grew out of my search as a scholar and my life as a daughter. It was one of the first feminist analyses of this crucial relationship, and it rose directly out of the intense struggle for women’s liberation in the second half of the 20th century in the USA.
In the 1970’s, I was one of many women inventing and teaching Women’s Studies. In every class, no matter what the subject was, we inevitably talked about our relationships with our mothers, about the pain and confusion surrounding those relationships. When the students and I went looking for information and insight, we found very little, and very little of what we found was useful. Misogyny and mother-blaming were omnipresent, and Freud’s ignorance about women loomed large. This book grew out of my search as a scholar and my life as a daughter. It was one of the first feminist analyses of this crucial relationship, and it rose directly out of the intense struggle for women’s liberation in the second half of the 20th century in the USA.
- excerpt
… all of us must confront the reality of our mothers, as the women they are, and as they live in us – even if they are thousands of miles away or dead. Whether we come to the truth of our mothers through our politics, the guidance of therapy, or the revelations of dreams, we need that truth to break down both the generally false concept of “mother” in this society, and whatever specifically false stance we hold relative to our own mothers. For mothers and daughters to relate to each other in truth – even sporadically – is a terrible struggle for both women.
… all of us must confront the reality of our mothers, as the women they are, and as they live in us – even if they are thousands of miles away or dead. Whether we come to the truth of our mothers through our politics, the guidance of therapy, or the revelations of dreams, we need that truth to break down both the generally false concept of “mother” in this society, and whatever specifically false stance we hold relative to our own mothers. For mothers and daughters to relate to each other in truth – even sporadically – is a terrible struggle for both women.
- responses
[This is]… a rare and valuable book, telling and illuminating. She manages to evoke memories, capture yearnings and represent profound pleasures and griefs that many women share. Most important, she reminds us of the mother-daughter-mother circle in the lives of women, newly poignant in the light of the present women’s movement.
- Mary Howell
A first rate account. The paradox of family life is that we all know about it existentially, yet we know nothing of the common threads that make family life so important, so enriching, and so terrible. Judith Arcana has given us a real gift in offering her perspective on family socialization, developed from both personal insight and systematic research. - Arlene Kaplan Daniels
It blew my mind … Judith Arcana’s book suggests to us the possibility of ceasing to blame our mothers for making us the people we are … Already this precious little book, much thumbed and pored over, has passed amongst my friends and acquaintances.
- Honey (UK)
Beautifully written ... a welcome addition for any woman's bookshelf. Whether you read it as a mother, a daughter, or both - it might help you understand life a little better than before.
- Woman's World (UK)
[Judith Arcana's Our Mothers' Daughters was] written with a generosity of spirit and healthy curiosity. - Jane Marcus
[This book is] … humanistic, it doesn’t seek to blame … it asks you to see your mother as a woman of her time who did the best with what she had. - John Doh (“genericbloke” online)
[This is]… a rare and valuable book, telling and illuminating. She manages to evoke memories, capture yearnings and represent profound pleasures and griefs that many women share. Most important, she reminds us of the mother-daughter-mother circle in the lives of women, newly poignant in the light of the present women’s movement.
- Mary Howell
A first rate account. The paradox of family life is that we all know about it existentially, yet we know nothing of the common threads that make family life so important, so enriching, and so terrible. Judith Arcana has given us a real gift in offering her perspective on family socialization, developed from both personal insight and systematic research. - Arlene Kaplan Daniels
It blew my mind … Judith Arcana’s book suggests to us the possibility of ceasing to blame our mothers for making us the people we are … Already this precious little book, much thumbed and pored over, has passed amongst my friends and acquaintances.
- Honey (UK)
Beautifully written ... a welcome addition for any woman's bookshelf. Whether you read it as a mother, a daughter, or both - it might help you understand life a little better than before.
- Woman's World (UK)
[Judith Arcana's Our Mothers' Daughters was] written with a generosity of spirit and healthy curiosity. - Jane Marcus
[This book is] … humanistic, it doesn’t seek to blame … it asks you to see your mother as a woman of her time who did the best with what she had. - John Doh (“genericbloke” online)